these final days

I had my 38-week appointment today for our little babe.  Hard to believe he could arrive any day!  The news from my doctor is that he doesn't look that ready to come out yet (can't blame him) and so we've probably got another two weeks to wait here... at least.  Maybe three weeks.  Maybe four.

Or maybe he'll come tomorrow.

In the meantime, life as it is has taken on a whole new meaning for me.  These days are limited.  Change is on the horizon. 

What will he be like?  Quiet and chill?  Anxious and colicky?  A good eater?  A good sleeper?  Mothers tell you they are so excited for their new babies--and they are!--but they are also full of apprehension about what this unknown creature will be like.  In some ways a mother already knows her unborn child better than anyone, for he came into existence and has grown inside of her for nine months.  Yet in most ways everything about him is a complete mystery.

My response to the unknown has been to worry, which is foolish, I know.  Worrying will do me no good!  But my other response has been to slooooow down and take a deep breath and savor.  Life right now is not perfect by any means, but it is good and it is full of beauty.  I want to treasure these days up in my heart, locking them away to ponder over and remember forever.

Most of all I want to remember my quiet days at home with Lena.  Our days are fairly routine here: awake by 7-ish, breakfast at 8-ish, goodbye to Daddy at 9-ish, nap at 10, lunch at 12, another nap at 2 or 3, and dinner prep starts at 5.  In between we go on walks around the neighborhood or I push her stroller into town for groceries.  We bake cookies for Daddy.  We sit on the rug and play with her puzzles, her baby doll, her blocks, her paper and crayons.  We read books before her morning nap, before her afternoon nap, and sometimes in between, too.  She occasionally helps me with cleaning, like turning the vacuum switch on for me or dusting side-by-side.  We practice words.  We dance.  We change diapers, we change clothes, we wash diapers, we wash dishes, all day long.

In this world, my daughter is my constant companion, my chatty little shadow, my ever-present friend.  When she is napping and I am putting together a blog post and I see a picture of her, I actually miss her.  And she's only been asleep for 30 minutes!  And I need the break!  But I look at her--her huge blue eyes, her curling brown hair, her petite little hands, her beautiful little body--and cannot believe she is our daughter, and how pretty and sweet she is, and that she exists in this world and loves us more than anyone and calls me, "Mama."

As some of you know or remember, I've felt a great deal of emotional conflict about being a stay-at-home mom.  As a result, I am spending a lot of my spare time trying to develop talents so that I can work from home.  Yet in this past year I have also fallen in love with this new job of staying at home with my child.  I wake up each morning and look forward to the day.  (And that is saying something when you consider other things that have happened in our lives this past year.)

With a new baby due any day, I feel a great deal of apprehension about the changes ahead.  Apprehension... excitement... thankfulness... and just a bit of fear.  And that is why I savor my life as a mother just as it is right now, savor our quiet and uneventful days together, savor today.

the best butternut squash soup you'll ever have

You think I might be kidding... but I made this soup twice last week!  I've been trying to make more soups and cook vegetarian dinners four times a week, so that might be part of what made this recipe so perfect for us.  I think also that the additions of garam marsala (a classic Indian spice blend)*, yogurt, and lime hit the spot for Elliott and me... and Lena too, who is learning to eat her curries along with us. 

And of course, the perfect side for a hearty soup is always warm whole wheat biscuits drizzled with honey... yum! 

Here's the recipe with my adaptations.  Original recipe from FineCooking.com.

Butternut Squash Soup

Ingredients

• 2 Tbs. unsalted butter  
• 1/2 cup thinly sliced leeks  
• 1/2 cup finely chopped shallots  
• 1/4 cup thinly sliced celery (halve lengthwise then slice crosswise)  
• 2 tsp. minced garlic  
• Kosher salt  
• 1 tsp. garam masala (see below for my recipe)
• 5 cups homemade vegetable broth or low-salt chicken broth  
• 3 Tbs. apple cider  
• 2 lb. butternut squash, peeled, seeded, and cut into 1/2-inch dice (equivalent to 4 cups when diced)
• 1/4 cup thick whole-milk yogurt, preferably Greek  
• Freshly ground black pepper  
• 1-1/2 tsp. fresh lime juice  
• 1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro  

Directions

1.  In a 4- to 5-quart saucepan or Dutch oven, heat the butter over medium-low heat. When hot, add the shallots, leeks, celery, garlic, and a pinch of kosher salt. Stir well, cover, reduce the heat to low, and cook, stirring occasionally, until the aromatics are softened, 8 to 10 minutes. 
2. Stir in 1 tsp. kosher salt and the garam masala.
3. Add the butternut squash, vegetable broth, and cider, stir well, and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Cook, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are very tender and the soup is full-flavored, 7 to 20 minutes.
4. Take the pan off the heat and let the soup cool for 5 minutes. 
5. Working in batches, puree the soup in a blender (fill the jar no more than half full and vent the lid, topping it with a folded kitchen towel to prevent hot splashes). Wipe the pan clean and put the soup back into the pan.
6. Add the yogurt and 1/2 tsp. of the lime juice. Season the soup with salt and pepper. Taste the soup and adjust the seasonings with more salt, pepper, or lime juice as needed.
7. Ladle into 8 soup bowls and garnish each serving with 1 to 2 tsp. chopped cilantro.

 

*Our commissary (military grocery store) here in Sicily doesn't carry garam marsala, so I looked up recipes and made my own mix from spices I already had.  I've included the recipe I used and enjoyed below.

 Garam Marsala

original recipe from AllRecipes.com

• 1 tablespoon ground cumin 
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground coriander 
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cardamom 
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground pepper 
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves 
• 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg 

 Mix all spices together and store in an airtight container in a cool, dry place.

Book Review: "Don't Make Me Count to Three!"

See my other parenting book reviews here and here.

I picked up Don't Make Me Count to Three!in my parents’ church library a few weeks ago.  The very fact that I did pick it up and check it out, I think, is a sign of the worries in my heart these days.  Like I groaned about here, my little baby has turned into a toddler, and she has a lot of ‘tude to show for it. 

Of course I love her spunky determination and—within reason—her bright-eyed sass.  But occasionally frequently she uses that determination and sass to demand that I open a package of cookies for her in a store, or to reply “no!” when I tell her what I would like her to do, or to throw a tantrum at the dinner table.  Then it is time to lay down the law. 

But how does a mother do that?  How do you decide what you will allow and what you will not?  How do you respond to blatant disobedience and even toddler rage?  How do you control your own boiling anger at the same time?  How do you discipline graciously and thoughtfully?  And what form of discipline should you choose?

Anyway, end rant.  I read Ginger Plowman’s slim, straightforward little volume and found answers to some of my questions.  In the end I gave the book four stars on GoodReads (I'd love to be your friend on there!) because I didn’t love her writing style and am not sure if I agree with all her methods and suggestions.  However, I’m a young mom, and she is not, and I found a great deal to glean from the book.

Here are a few things I want to put away for future reference:

Part I: Reaching the Heart of Your Child

If you asked me before I read this book what it means to “discipline” Lena, I probably wouldn’t have had a good answer, partly because the word “spanking” makes me really uncomfortable to talk about in public and partly because I just hadn’t really thought about it that much.  One huge take-away from this book for me is that the whole act of disciplining Biblically involves not just time out/spanking/whatever you choose but also teaching and instruction.  

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,

but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4

The rod and reproof give wisdom,

but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. – Proverbs 29:15

When [our kids] disobey, we think we have done well to say, “That was wrong, and you shouldn’t have done it… (whack, whack, whack) now, get in your room!”  When we do this, we have only done half of what God has called us to do.      (p 27, emphasis mine)

Now that I know that telling Lena she did something wrong isn’t enough… what do I do?  How do I reach her heart, where the sin lies and the wrongdoing begins?  The author offers this scenario that illustrates what you could do and what you should do to really get at the heart of the issue and the heart of your child:

A while back, [my son] Wesley was going through a time where he was intentionally aggravating his sister.  He would get down on all fours like a lion, snarling, growling, and drooling….  I sounded like a broken record all day long!  “Wesley, stop!”  Wesley, quit!”  “Wesley, Alex doesn’t like that!” 

… Eventually I realized that I had to work backwards from the behavior to his heart.  Each time he began to aggravate her, we would go through a very simple line of questioning.

Mom: “Wesley, judging from your laughter you seem to be having a great time growling and chasing your sister.  Are you having as much fun as you look like you are having?”

Wesley: (raises one eyebrow in curiosity) “Yes, ma’am.”

Mom: “Is Alex having as much fun as you are?”

Wesley: (squirming a little) “Well, no, ma’am.”

Mom: “Tell me, what is Alex doing?”

Wesley: (pausing for a moment and looking down) “She’s screaming and crying.”

Mom: “Honey, are you delighting in Alex’s suffering?  Because love does not delight in evil.” (1 Corinthians 13:6)

Wesley: (with a look of understanding followed by a look of sadness) “Alex, will you forgive me for making you cry?”

Now, I know what you are thinking.  This sounds pretty idealistic… and Mom sounds super preachy here.  At least that’s how it came across to me.  But as I read on in the book, I was challenged by this approach that the author takes.  As she says in her book, the Word of God does not return void (Isaiah 55:11), and I think she is right to use Scripture as part of her reproof.  Plus, she is doing some serious digging here to get to the heart of the issue rather than just telling him, “Wesley, I have told you to stop, and you have not stopped, so go to your room for a 10-minute time out.”  Significant difference in getting to the heart of the issue, right?

Of course, I can’t talk to Lena this way now.  She’s just 18 months old!  So how do I get at the heart of the issue when disciplining her?  The next section gave me some guidance.

Part II: How to Give a Biblical Reproof

Two illustrations in Part II of this book encouraged me in ways I can guide and instruct Lena as I discipline her.  The first is to provide a way of escape and the second is to apprentice her hand in hand. 

Caring for a puppy is a good way to illustrate the first principle. What if the first time the puppy does his business on your carpet, you punish him for doing so… but then you don’t show him the outdoors or praise him for going outside?  Instead, every time he uses your rug as his toilet, you punish him severely and never show him a way to please you.  Pretty soon the puppy will run into a corner whenever he needs to go, hiding from you and the punishment that is sure to follow.  When you come to discipline him, your adorable puppy will eventually turn on you, snapping and biting, frustrated and confused. 

What a convicting illustration.  How often do I just say to Lena, “No!” instead of taking the time to also patiently teach her what I prefer her to do?  How often do I crack down instead of providing a way out for her?  How often do I say, “Instead of throwing your food on the floor if you don’t want it, just put it back on the tray, like this,” all the while guiding her hands and then praising her for doing it correctly. 

This leads to the second big take-away from this section for me: to apprentice Lena hand in hand.  The author includes a lengthy illustration of an old-time craftsman who would teach by literally placing his hands on top of his apprentice’s as he instructed him in the craft.  The craftsman didn’t yell at their apprentice for breaking a crucible or spilling molten silver.  Instead he took the time to guide and instruct the apprentice hand in hand until the apprentice got it right.

[Y]ou haven’t disciplined a child properly until you have brought him to the point of repentance by requiring him to practice the biblical alternative to his sinful behavior…  Biblical discipline involves correcting wrong behavior by practicing right behavior, with the right attitude, for the right reason, until the right behavior becomes habitual.                                                                                      (p 66)

Part III: The Biblical Use of the Rod

Every parent must decide with their spouse whether or not to spank their child.  It is a very personal (and now very political) decision.  Because of this, I wondered how the author would address spanking.  Well, surprise surprise, she does take the position that you should spank your child, and even that there is Biblical instruction to spank your child.  I’ll leave this section to you to read; it’s quite interesting!

Spanking aside, there were other points she made in Part III about discipline that stuck with me.  There were the worldly methods that parents use to obtain obedience (pp 101-106).  Maybe these stood out because… umm… I use them a lot?!

1.  Bribing—“Come to Mommy and I’ll give you a lollipop.”
2.  Threatening—“I’m going to count to three!”
3.  Appealing to emotions—“After all I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me.”
4.  Manipulating their environment—Your 12-month-old keeps pulling everything to the floor that is within reach, and so you rearrange your whole house piece by piece instead of ever saying, “No.”
5.  Reasoning with your child—or talking your child into obedience.

Also, I was struck by her list of reasons why spanking does not work:

1.     Lack of consistency—“It is not the severity of correction which will produce obedience; it is the certainty of correction which will bring about the desired result.  Be consistent in your administration of discipline.  Never, never, never issue a warning or a command without following it through.” (p 113)

2.     Lack of persistence—“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11)

3.     Lack of effectiveness—“If little Johnny is sporting an extra-padded diaper and running in circles while Mom halfheartedly administers the rod, the spanking in ineffective.” (p 114)

4.     Lack of righteousness—“When the rod is administered in sinful anger or with a wrong motive, the child will resent rather than repent.” (p 115)

There is so much to ponder in this book.  As a young mother, I felt like this book had a lot of wisdom and instruction, as well as the answers to a great many questions in my mind and heart.  I so desire to love and guide Lena well, to teach her and train her up in the way she should go.  As Elliott and I discuss what I read in this book and decide how to apply it to our parenting, I pray that we will remember these words from the Book of Common Prayer.  Our church in D.C. prayed this prayer together every Sunday:

“Lord, you have blessed our [family] with the joy and care of children.  Give us courage, patience, and wisdom as we bring them up in the faith that they might never know a day apart from You.  Amen.”

flow chart for cleaning

How great is this chat?  I found it on Pinterest when I was looking for printables for my Home Management Binder (blog post coming soon) and feel like I need to tape it on my fridge as soon as I get back to Sicily.  I'm sure the whole house cleaning process as outlined here would take me several hours the whole day, but having it streamlined like this would help me move quickly from task to task.

Since moving to Sicily and having a child, the house cleaning and home management tasks have mostly settled on my shoulders, and I'm always eager for advice as I learn this "art of homemaking."  (I would have laughed at that expression before, but now I am convinced it is an art... and I don't know how to be artistic yet!)

I'd love to hear your favorite house cleaning or home management tip.  What do you do to keep a quiet, clean home?

have you heard of Songza?

One bummer of living overseas is you can't use any of the major streaming services, like Hulu and Spotify and Pandora and Netflix Streaming (yes, Netflix, even though you pay for a subscription and everything!).  Trust me, I've tried.  Over and over.  It's because we have an Italian IP (internet) address and these services are not yet authorized to play in certain countries.  

I guess one plus is that it does cut down on the amount of TV Elliott and I might possibly would definitely watch.  But it's just sad that we can't stream free music in this day and age.  How else is a new mama living on an island (hah) supposed to stay relevant, hip, and cool?

So when I come back to the States I indulge myself in streaming music services (and Starbucks and B&N and thrift stores and Chipotle).  My favorite streaming music site is Songza, a totally hip site that helps narrow down my radio station to my mood.  I took some screenshots to introduce you to it.

Here is what Songza looks like now, on Thursday night, while I am writing this post:

I chose "Unwind After a Long Day," because I have a toddler and it was.  Songza then said:

Because I wanted to prove to you how hip and cool I am (despite my earlier self-pitying proclamations otherwise), I chose "Atmospheric Indie."

Because I was a little frightened when I got to this page and realized I was in over my head, I chose "Dream Pop."  I like nice dreams.

And here I am, with you, looking at this page and enjoying some mellow, chill tunes.  Ahhh...!

Other reasons to love Songza:

• Three words: No. Audio. Ads.   Move over, Pandora.
• A "Popular" tab where you can play popular playlists from this week, this year, or that are currently trending.  For those of us who are really concerned about staying relevant.
• The same rating system as we're all used to from other music streaming services: skip this song, thumbs up (play more like this), thumbs down, pause.
• Search and "browse all songs" features to find what you're really looking for.
• Apps for your iPhone, Android, and Kindle, too.

Now go check out Songza and enjoy along with me!

P.S. Songza obviously did not pay me to write this.  I am not that cool.

Vintage vinyl image via here.

solo parenting a toddler

I feel like this post's title is a bit of a lie because I am not a solo parent.  Elliott is very much alive and well, he's just not here.  But not here for three weeks at a time is hard.  I am very ready for this separation to be over... and we've still got two weeks to go.

Lena seems to have turned a corner recently and has become so willful and sassy.  Her new thing is to shout, "No!  Nooo!" just for the fun of it, often while looking me right in the eye and declaring she will not do whatever I deem a good idea or proper behavior for a 1.5-year-old.  I'm somewhat at a loss as to how to address this.  What is proper discipline?  And what is the heart of the issue that I can address in a way she will understand?  Just to illustrate a bit, those photos above were taken after a flippin' tantrum because this little miss of mine didn't want to wait for the dough to be finished before we tasted it.  (She sure was happy and cute by the time we took the pictures, though, with a chocolate cookie dough-covered beater in her mouth!)

Also, she appears to have given up her afternoon nap.  Guys, I love her naps.  Love them.  Every day that 90 minutes or so in the morning and again in the afternoon are bliss for me.  At home I use them to clean the house, catch up on emails, write a blog post, read a book... enjoy the peace.  There is such a sense of peace in the house when you and your child have a routine and he or she settles peacefully down for a nap!

I knew this day would come, but I hoped it would take another year (!) or so.  As I write this she is in her bed for her afternoon nap, happily chatting to herself, occasionally yelling, every now and then calling "Mama!  Maaaama!  Mamamama!"  This is Day 4 of this routine.  Yesterday I left her in her crib for 1.5 hours!  At one point she was quiet ("yay, at last" I thought) and then suddenly she began crying in distress.  I raced up the stairs and found her standing in her crib holding her fingers out to me, asking me to clean them.  They were covered in thick gel, and in the other hand was an open pot of Vaseline!  She is now big enough to reach out of her crib, open a nearby drawer, and pull out the contents.  I couldn't believe it.  I rebuked her firmly, emptied the drawer, moved her crib, and left her... only to listen to another 30 minutes of babbling upstairs.  Finally, I gave up entirely and lifted my relieved little toddler out of her crib.  I had been stubborn, but that day she was stubborner.

Anyway, I guess I'm feeling the aches and pains of motherhood these days.  I miss my husband and I'm definitely feeling the effects of pregnancy combined with jet lag (yes, still... days later).  Lena's new routine of waking up by 6:15am also isn't helping things.  I need grace to mother and respond to Lena without my hubby to take over when the going gets tough (or when 5pm rolls around each day!).

And I'm also feeling my inadequacy at this whole enormous parenting task.  For all the other parents (or adult children of wise parents) who are reading this, do you have any ideas or advice?

* * *

On an entirely different note, this blog got a facelift!  What do you think?

productivity rush

Over the weekend away in Noto, I had a rush of inspiration to truly maximize our time here in Sicily and live a simple, productive life with no regrets.  (You know, just your average goals in life.)  I journaled for pages and pages.  Obviously this is a work in progress, but there are so many ideas and goals swimming around in my head.  I hope to share more about this in the future.

In the meantime, I have made myself a massive to do list and am gritting my teeth and working through it this week.  I'm taking on tasks that have been bugging me for months, like changing the light bulb on the porch (well, actually, both light bulbs on both porches) or going to IKEA to replace some battered lamps with brand new ones.  There's lots of purging going on around here, too.  What is it about the end of the summer and wanting to clean out your closet and redefine yourself with less clutter?  I'm not the only blogger/mother out there with the bug!

Day 1 of the productivity rush found me canning an autumn's worth of chicken broth by 9:30 am.  I shouldn't try to give too favorable an impression, though, because I am easily distracted, especially by wonderful, inspirational lists like this one: 99 Ways to Simplify Life with Kids.   But actually the five minutes it took to read that post made me more inspired than ever!  So sometimes procrastinating is actually productive, right?

What's on your to do list as you face the change in seasons and feel autumn in air?

making jam in my bread maker

I have many fond memories of the delicious homemade bread my mom made in our bread maker during my childhood.  For our first anniversary, our four parents got together and bought us a very wonderful gift: a Cuisinart bread maker.  Of course during the time of our first anniversary, Elliott and I were living in a studio apartment on Capitol Hill.  So, sadly, our bread maker sat in the downstairs storage room the entire time we lived there.

Soon after our boxes were unpacked here in Sicily, I pulled my beautiful bread maker into the daylight.  Shortly thereafter I stopped buying sandwich bread and have been making almost all our bread since early this spring.*  I even convinced a friend of mine to buy the same bread maker.  

(*I do recommend keeping an emergency loaf of sandwich bread in the freezer for that time that you run out of flour or milk or--gasp--just forget... and your husband has no sandwich the next morning for his lunch!)

Anyway, to get to the point, my nifty bread maker also has a jam setting.  I started using it with strawberries this spring and have been jamming every fruit in season ever since (so far, cherries, peaches, and apricots).  The entire process takes about 20 minutes to set up, then the bread maker works for 1.5 hours, and then you slide your jam into a jar and... you're done!  No sweating over the stove, no fiddling to get your canning jars to work, no huge messes or sticky pots.  Here is what I do:

First of all, assemble your ingredients.  It's a short list: a few apricots, a box of pectin, one lemon, and some sugar.  Cut up 2 cups of apricots into chunks and slide them into the bread maker pan.

Squeeze a tablespoon of lemon over the apricots.

 Dust half of a box of pectin over the fruit.  Let it sit for 10 minutes.

In the meantime, enjoy your beautiful daughter.  She has assumed her usual position for whenever I am cooking or baking anything: right in the middle of my kitchen counter.

The recipe calls for 1.25 cups of sugar "or to taste."  I prefer my jam on the tart side, so I put in only 3/4 of a cup of sugar. 

Then snap the pan into the bread maker and program it for the jam cycle.  The bread maker uses the paddle in the middle of the pan to mix the jam and uses extra high heat to bring the fruit up to the proper temperature.  After 1.5 hours, you have fresh jam!  I put mine in recycled jars since I will just keep it in the fridge or freezer until we eat it; I would need brand new canning jars if I wanted to keep it for any length of time at room temperature.  It will keep in the fridge for up to 6 weeks or in the freezer for... well, I assume a really long time.

Come on over and I'll put some homemade jam on some homemade toasted bread for your breakfast!

bathtime in Burke

Today wasn't my greatest day as a mother.  At 8am this morning I rushed my little girl out the door, carpooling with Elliott on his way to work, so that I could get errands done before my weekly women's Bible study.  I dragged Lena from the library to the commissary to the post office.  Unfortunately I didn't do my research and missed the fact that today all the moms and kids were not at Bible study... they were at a playground 20 minutes away!  This all dawned on me when I took Lena to the nursery to drop her off and it was a dark, empty nursery.  Lena toddled around pulling out her favorite toys off the shelves while I scrolled through emails on my phone, realized my mistake, and groaned.

Lena and I drove home, Lena weeping in the back seat, hot and exhausted and hungry.  Little Lena, I'm so sorry for pushing you beyond your limits, for not giving you a nap when you needed one, for not checking my emails beforehand and seeing where we needed to be and when!  I'm sorry, too, for not being able to nurse you before your nap once we got home.  I know that's what you still want before you sleep, but you're growing up, little one, and you can't always drink Mama's milk. 

In the midst of feeling rather in the dumps about my mothering/scheduling abilities, my sister-in-law Jess sent these wonderful photos from our trip home to Virginia.  She took them right after I got Lena out of her bath.  Sweet memories and a dear family.  Love that covers a multitude of sins!

under the weather

Lena and I tried to take a smiling picture to send to her daddy this morning, but it was kind of difficult for her to perk up into a grin.  She's had a low-grade fever for over 24 hours now, a fever which first came to my attention yesterday when she took a five hour nap.  Epic.  This morning she also threw up all her breakfast and medicine all over both of us.  Anyway, now that her mama is aware what her hot forehead and general droopiness indicate, we're learning that grape-flavored infant Tylenol is kinda yummy and have been reading stacks of books, snuggling in bed (unusual for this typically non-snuggling baby), and taking it easy for a few days. 

Elliott and I are hoping little L can kick this thing, because she and I leave on Saturday morning for the States.  (Elliott has a mandatory work conference and so can't come with us.)  We'll be home for my dear friend Abi's wedding... such a cause for celebration!  However, I've already been dreading the solo plane flight with an active 12-month-old who doesn't like to sleep.  What will I do with a sick 12-month-old?

Prayers and advice would be appreciated right now.  Also, friends, if you'll be around the D.C. area these next couple weeks, let me know.  Lena and I would love to see you!

xoxo

Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom: Cloth Diapering

first cloth diaper ever!

& morning wash

I ask myself a lot these days (as I wash and rewash and then wash again): why am I cloth diapering my baby?  I've heard a lot of good reasons touted by cloth diapering advocates, including these:

• Baby's comfort.  Cozy cloth is more comfy than wearing paper and plastic.
• The environment.  Less garbage in the landfills.
• Saving money over the long-term.  (More on this later.)
• Supposedly potty training is easier and happens earlier because toddlers can actually feel when they are wet.  I'm holding out for this one to be true.
• No polyacrylate gel which is suspected of exacerbating asthma.
•  Cloth diapers are cute, and--I'll just say it right now--they are really really hip!

About that last reason.  Crunchy mamas are just kind of expected to use cloth diapers these days.  If you went through a Bradley class, if you birthed your baby tough 'n' natural, if you breastfeed with any kind of enthusiasm... well, where are the cloth diapers?  This is a silly truth about mama-to-mama peer pressure, folks.

But hey, at least peer pressure in this case does probably mean better things for this earth and better things for my baby!  We honestly can't see any negatives to natural childbirth, breastfeeding, organic food, and cloth diapers.  Other than more work for Mom, these seem to be fairly positive things for our children and our world.  So, not knowing much more than this, I decided to embark into cloth diapering.

we love the Artist Series BumGenius diapers

We started using cloth diapers when Lena was nine months old.  This was for two reasons:

1. We were on the move from the day Lena was born.  The laundry involved in cloth diapering was not feasible!
2. We are on a tight budget, and investing in enough cloth diapers for Lena took more $$$ than we were willing to shell out at one time.  So we cruised along with gifted disposable diapers as well as inexpensive deals at the commissary (military grocery store).  Finally I asked for cloth diapers for my birthday and for Christmas, and I bought three diapers on a Black Friday sale, and we ended up with a generous 19 bumGenius 4.0 One-Size Snap Closure Cloth Diapers by the New Year.  We were ready to begin!

Lena's been in cloth diapers now for about two months.  There is a steep learning curve with these things, and I will not claim that it has been a cake walk.  Here are a few things I did not know when we started:

• Poop.  You have to get the solid waste out of the diapers before you throw them in the wash.  I recommend Real Nappies Bioliner Flushable Diaper Liners; I just flip the liner and all its contents into the toilet and am left with a smelly diaper with no poop on it.  Brilliant.
• Smell.  They can give your baby's nursery a permanent odor!  Invest in a trash can with a tight lid.  We use a Diaper Champ.
• Wash.  You'll be doing a lot of laundry.  I do a load of diapers every other day, which involves one rise cycle and then one wash cycle [usually].  I use All Small & Mighty, HE, Triple Concentrated Liquid Laundry Detergent.  Diapers take so little detergent (too much detergent hurts their absorbency) that this one little bottle has lasted us almost a year!  
• Dry.  I can't put BumGenius covers in the dryer, so I almost always dry everything outside.  Sunshine is an amazing natural bleach for any leftover stains.
•  Stuffing.  No one told me that I would spend 15 minutes every other day "recreating" my cloth diapers.  At least with the BumGenius pocket-stuff type, there are two pieces that have to be snapped and fitted back together after every wash.  When the load is dry, I spend a good quarter of an hour kneeling on the floor snapping, stuffing, and stacking diapers.  
• Mama's job.  Daddy doesn't do any washing, any drying, any stuffing, because he is at work when all that happens.  He changes maybe one diaper a day, maybe a couple more on weekends.  This commitment is almost entirely on my shoulders.

stuffing diapers on my knees on the balcony

& helping Mama with the clean laundry

But in the end, is it worth it?  All the extra work, all the wash, all the intimate interactions with poop?  I have thought about it and decided yes, I will stick with it.  And here's why:

• Working with my hands.  I love to knit, to knead a loaf of bread, to fold laundry, to make a bed.  I enjoy working with my hands.  And so, poopy and stinky though this job may be, I get a deep and real sense of satisfaction as I pull clean diapers out of the wash and put up a fresh, dry stack of diapers in Lena's changing table.  Silly as it sounds, this is the #1 reason I enjoy cloth diapering.
• Cost.  These cloth diapers were free, almost entirely thanks to generous family members!  Disposables from the store are not.  We'll stick with cloth.
• Environment.  They say it's better for the environment long-term.  I think I trust them... even though we do a crazy amount of laundry and use a lot of energy.  But they say it's better.  So okay.
• Potty training.  Like I said before, mamas and experts promise it's easier with cloth diapers than with quick-wicking disposables.  I'm hanging on for that.
• She couldn't care less.  Lena doesn't seem to mind if she's in cloth or disposable.  (Or if she's wet or dry, for that matter, so perhaps that makes easier potty training promises null and void?  Oh dear.)  Her skin doesn't mind either; we haven't had major issues with diaper rash with either option.
•  Cuteness.  She looks so stinkin' cute in these patterns and colors!  Don't you think so too?